Ugh.
There is only one person I want to spend Christmas with and actually wish a Merry Christmas.
Oh well.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
2.
Okay so my last post I think was a bit drab, I promise this one won't be any better.
So ex-boyfriend now bi-sexual ex-boyfriend went on his first date today (with another guy), and where was I? Helping him pick out his outfit, decide on glasses or no glasses and telling him to not be nervous. What was I doing on the inside? Crying. Ridiculous amounts, not only on the inside but on the outside as well, when I'm alone of course. But this sucks. I am angry I think at myself for establishing this kind of friendship. I still love him and well he clearly doesn't.
A glimmering light at the end of this sad sad tunnel is I have been talking to a boy. I don't know if it's just because the ex has moved on or if I am actually interested. But he's nice. That's all I have to say on that.
Anyway back to my dreary story. So ex goes on date, I sit in library waiting to hear how it went. I deal with all of these emotional repercussions and well quite frankly they suck. How and why did I let myself get here? I am hurting myself more everyday holding onto something that, just well isn't there. I hate myself for being so stupid. I hate myself for not creating a distance. I shouldn't be this best friend like figure, I am the ex. I'm the one with the broken heart, still healing, not over you, wishing you would go away. I don't understand my feelings, I don't understand why I still love him.
What is this teaching me? That I can just let myself be hurt every day by the person I care most about? Where can I just draw the line? I am honestly waiting for Winter Break to come, I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to even think of him.
Okay I am done ranting, maybe next time I might actually try to write out my feelings instead of just talk. Who knows. I am only doing this so I don't sit in the caf crying everyday.
So ex-boyfriend now bi-sexual ex-boyfriend went on his first date today (with another guy), and where was I? Helping him pick out his outfit, decide on glasses or no glasses and telling him to not be nervous. What was I doing on the inside? Crying. Ridiculous amounts, not only on the inside but on the outside as well, when I'm alone of course. But this sucks. I am angry I think at myself for establishing this kind of friendship. I still love him and well he clearly doesn't.
A glimmering light at the end of this sad sad tunnel is I have been talking to a boy. I don't know if it's just because the ex has moved on or if I am actually interested. But he's nice. That's all I have to say on that.
Anyway back to my dreary story. So ex goes on date, I sit in library waiting to hear how it went. I deal with all of these emotional repercussions and well quite frankly they suck. How and why did I let myself get here? I am hurting myself more everyday holding onto something that, just well isn't there. I hate myself for being so stupid. I hate myself for not creating a distance. I shouldn't be this best friend like figure, I am the ex. I'm the one with the broken heart, still healing, not over you, wishing you would go away. I don't understand my feelings, I don't understand why I still love him.
What is this teaching me? That I can just let myself be hurt every day by the person I care most about? Where can I just draw the line? I am honestly waiting for Winter Break to come, I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to even think of him.
Okay I am done ranting, maybe next time I might actually try to write out my feelings instead of just talk. Who knows. I am only doing this so I don't sit in the caf crying everyday.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
1.
I'm starting this blog because I can't get over my ex, what a shocking and stereotypical reason to start a blog. I'm really original, I promise. Honestly, I just want to write my thoughts and even if no one ever reads this, strangely I'll be okay. I hate my ex. I lie to myself that I don't love him, but I do. What a contradiction. I spend almost every day with him. We go to the same school, we have the same friends, we are interested in the same things oh and the best part is, we still hook up. What a fun life I lead.
The title of this blog is significant, first I loved lion king as a little kid and second per a conversation with my best friend, I told him I wanted to run away from school so I could get away from my ex and honestly just everything else. My best friend told me that I wasn't Simba and i couldn't run away. I said "but Simba came back" my best friend retorted with only after pride rock had been destroyed...as I reflected on that, I realized I needed my pride rock to be destroyed also so I could come back to the real me. Well my feelings are my pride rock and I'm destroying them by finally confronting them in this blog. I hope I can be successful, honestly I just need a venue to talk to that isn't a friend because I think I'm starting to exhaust my friends. So here to this blog I will come. It's just my first blog post so I'm trying to keep things brief but be prepared readers of mine. It will get real.
Ciao for now.
The title of this blog is significant, first I loved lion king as a little kid and second per a conversation with my best friend, I told him I wanted to run away from school so I could get away from my ex and honestly just everything else. My best friend told me that I wasn't Simba and i couldn't run away. I said "but Simba came back" my best friend retorted with only after pride rock had been destroyed...as I reflected on that, I realized I needed my pride rock to be destroyed also so I could come back to the real me. Well my feelings are my pride rock and I'm destroying them by finally confronting them in this blog. I hope I can be successful, honestly I just need a venue to talk to that isn't a friend because I think I'm starting to exhaust my friends. So here to this blog I will come. It's just my first blog post so I'm trying to keep things brief but be prepared readers of mine. It will get real.
Ciao for now.
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